In England, We Say “Toilet”, While In Paris They Say “Love”

“I haven’t got much to offer you, you know, my house is a toilet”

“You mean you don’t tidy?”

“No I don’t. I’m big on honesty, and to tidy my toilet before you come round – should you wish to visit, which you won’t – would be disingenuous.

But let’s be “country simple”, as they say. I do live in a toilet. It’s my bathroom and my restroom. I have a modest selection of boardgames, magazines and a Gameboy Colour. The screen in slightly scratched, and I only have Tetris.”

“Tetris? I like Tetris”

“Everybody likes Tetris.”

“Yes, but its really irritating.”

“It is, but addictive. It has quite an interesting history”

“Oh really? I’m not the slightest bit interested.”

“Oh, that’s a shame ‘cos my toilet is shrouded in the kind of  grim romance that one enjoys in ex-Communist countries. It’s a good place to sit and think.”

“Do you think that maybe, like so many bricks in so many games of Tetris…if we fit together, we might disappear?”

“Oh no…I shift colours and you change shape”

“I see, that might be uncomfortable come nightime”

“You don’t know what uncomformatable is until you’ve slept in the Water Closet.”

“I don’t know why we’re having this conversation. This is just a silly videogame.”

“Yes, and you’re distracting me….Do I win?”

“‘Course not, you’re a geek.”