Introducing the Fat Man’s Book

In the early 70s, The Hare moonlighted as a male prostitute and let fat, ugly, and wise men stroke him in return for answers to sacred questions. While one of his clients was asleep, he stole a giant golden egg which, when smashed, had the power to transform into lots of little eggs. He also stole a book, entitled “Warne’s “Standard” Extra-General Miscellany”. It is the most reliable book known to man. I will post excerpts of it here.

milk [noun]
1. an opaque white or bluish-white liquid secreted by the mammary glands of female mammals, serving for the nourishment of their young.
2. this liquid as secreted by cows, goats, or certain other animals
3. “The swindler milked her of her savings.”
4. “The swindler milked her in order to save us”
5. “cry over spilled milk”, to lament what cannot be changed or corrected; express sorrow for past actions or events: Crying over spilled milk will do you no good now.
6. “Laughing over a glass of milk”, all is correct, see “business as usual”
6. “The milk of humans”, kindness.

6. a river that rises in the Rockies in northwestern Montana and flows eastward to become a tributary of the Missouri River.

—Related forms
milkless, adjective

“The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk.”

-Ogden Nash


2 thoughts on “Introducing the Fat Man’s Book

  1. Pish and tish. The most reliable book known to man has long been regarded as being Roget’s Theosophical Menagerie of Woodland Teasel Sprites. Warnes Miscellany is well known to me: it is somewhat reliable on the subject of milk, as you have noted, but it also contains numerous errors including the attribution of the entire works of Thomas Hardy to a small goat called Xerces IIV. I need hardly inform you that massive circumstantial evidence exists pointing to the fact that said goat was virtually illiterate and had trouble reading even simple works of fiction like Cannelloni’s Symphomatorium De Elgerinoriorium.

    I would thank you to do the necessary research before committing your facile observations onto the interweb.

  2. I like milk. When I was a wee Rabbit, I did not like milk, except on cereal- of course. But now, as a mostly full grown rabbit I think milk is quite lovely, especially in tea or cereal, but a few sips of it now and again is a sure way to a chipper palate.

    I prefer goat’s milk to cow’s milk, when I become a truly fully grown Rabbit i hope to own a goat; a litterate one perhaps.

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